There is a gentleman with whom I have been communicating for nearly three years, even prior to his journey to the UK. We first encountered each other at a mutual friend's wedding in Nigeria and somehow managed to maintain our connection. Before his departure, an incident occurred that I cannot precisely recall, which led to some resentment on my part towards him for a period, resulting in diminished communication. He later expressed his apologies, and we moved past it.
We had mutual feelings for one another, and he would frequently mention that he intended to marry me, to which I typically responded with laughter. Throughout these years, I have never requested anything from him, not even financial assistance. This is simply how I was brought up. My father always provided for us, so I grew up without the knowledge of how to ask for help. He recently passed away, and since then, I have been striving to balance my corporate job with a business endeavor. I am attempting to expand my efforts. I am in my early thirties.
You know how some women say, "my partner gifted me this," or "he assists me with various things"? I have never had that experience. Perhaps others perceive me as self-sufficient.
During my father's funeral, he assured me of his support. I did not solicit it; he volunteered. However, months went by without any follow-up. Recently, when I found myself overwhelmed with expenses, I finally mustered the courage, after much practice, to remind him. I began with a joke, stating that I had something serious to discuss. I even playfully suggested that I was getting married soon. His only response was, "Congratulations," which left me taken aback. That reply saddened me, as it felt like he did not value me at all. I clarified that it was merely a jest, and he apologized.
Eventually, I brought up the promise he made. He explained that he had not contributed anything during the funeral arrangements because I consistently told him, "I am fine," when he inquired, leading him to believe I did not require assistance.
Subsequently, he sent 60,000 naira and mentioned he would complete the remainder later. I expressed my gratitude and replied with "no wahala," but internally, I felt a sense of sadness—not from a place of entitlement, but come on!
I had a childhood friend, a woman who sent 300k without me even requesting it, simply to assist with the burial. We hardly communicate, only reacting to each other's posts on Instagram. I also had other friends who offered their support without me having to ask. So why is it that the situation is always different with men? This is a person who professes that he would marry me despite the distance.
Now he has been discussing his plans to return to Nigeria soon, expressing a desire to spend time together and inquiring about what I would like him to purchase for me. However, to be honest, after everything that has transpired, I am uncertain if I can take him seriously again. I lack companionship! I do not have a husband, and this independent life, attempting to manage everything on my own, is truly wearing me out.