My wife's family has placed the financial burden of her father's burial expenses upon me, How I Reacted At Once
Today, I would like to address a recent event. My wife lost her father this morning. He had two wives and several concubines, resulting in numerous children, many of whom my wife does not know.
I visited their family home this morning to offer my condolences. The eldest son of the family, who is my wife's half-brother, informed me and another relative that we would be responsible for the mortuary expenses and the casket. He also mentioned that as the burial approaches, we would receive a list of items to purchase, and each of us would need to provide a goat.
To be completely candid, I was not upset solely about this unexpected financial burden; rather, I became infuriated at that moment due to the pressure my wife had placed on me to marry her. Had I not been coerced into this marriage, I would not be facing these additional expenses. It is worth noting that over 19 of her sisters, both biological and half-sisters, who have had children, have not incurred any expenses for the men involved in their situations. Yet, the responsibility for these costs has fallen on me and the other relative who paid the dowry.
Upon hearing this news, I confronted my wife immediately, in front of her mother, brothers, sisters, and several friends who had come to offer their condolences. I was overwhelmed with anger and raised my voice, reminding her of how she compelled me into a marriage for which I was unprepared in every aspect—physically, psychologically, emotionally, and financially. I have consistently brought this up, especially during our disagreements.
I reminded her of the time she threatened to take her own life, which instilled in me a fear of the unknown, leading to my expenditure of nearly 4 million on our marriage. I expressed that I would have been spared these financial burdens had it not been for her insistence.
Upon hearing this, she immediately broke down in tears, crying uncontrollably.
Her mother and sisters began to shout at me, and I responded in kind. They accused me of having met her as a virgin, claiming that she was no longer suitable for me. In truth, her entire family believed I was responsible for her losing her virginity. Although my wife and I had agreed to keep this matter private, the persistent reminders from her mother and sisters compelled me to reveal the truth. I stated that I did not meet her as a virgin; she had already engaged in sexual relations prior to our meeting. While they seemed skeptical, I was confident that my tone conveyed the truth.
I also made it clear that I would not be purchasing any goats, covering funeral expenses, or accepting any financial obligations from them. I asserted that it was their father’s responsibility to manage these matters, especially considering he has numerous children. I questioned why some of these costs should fall on me. After making my point, I walked away and turned off my phone, only now resuming its use.
I recognize that my actions were misguided and that I allowed my anger to overwhelm me. However, my frustration stemmed from the fact that no financial obligations were placed on her sister's child's father; they were completely exempt from any costs. I was enraged because these expenses would not have been my responsibility had I not been pressured into a marriage I was not prepared for. It is deeply painful and regrettable to realize that I, along with another family member who was billed, became the scapegoat for doing the honorable thing by marrying her, while those who fathered children out of wedlock faced no such financial burdens. I am currently experiencing significant pain and regret.