Will my relationship ever return to its previous state?
My boyfriend has been commenting on various girls' posts and following them. These are individuals he has no acquaintance with, yet he refers to them as beautiful and even expresses a desire to befriend one of them. I confronted him about this behavior, and he has made numerous pleas for forgiveness.
I am seeking advice because I cannot move past this situation; I find myself constantly worrying that he may be cheating or messaging them privately. My trust in him has diminished significantly. What steps can I take?
Read My Take
It’s completely understandable that you feel hurt and unsettled — when trust is shaken, even small actions can start to feel like threats. Let’s unpack what’s happening and what steps you can take next.
Why It Feels So Heavy
When someone we love gives attention to others in a way that feels disrespectful — even if it’s “just online” — it can feel like a betrayal of emotional intimacy.
Even if he didn’t physically cheat, those comments cross a boundary of emotional loyalty. Your reaction is not overblown; it’s a natural response to feeling unsafe in the relationship.
Step 1: Acknowledge What You’re Feeling
You’re dealing with:
Betrayal and insecurity (“Why would he do this if I’m enough?”)
Hypervigilance (checking if he’s messaging them)
Trust erosion — once suspicion takes root, every notification feels suspicious.
Take time to name what you feel before reacting impulsively. Journaling or speaking with a trusted confidant can help you process those emotions instead of suppressing them.
Step 2: Honest, Grounded Communication
If you haven’t already had a calm follow-up conversation (not the initial confrontation), you might say something like:
“When I saw those comments, it made me feel disrespected and insecure about where we stand. I need to understand what those interactions mean to you and how we can rebuild trust.”
This keeps the focus on your feelings rather than only his actions — it encourages responsibility rather than defensiveness.
Step 3: Rebuilding or Reassessing Trust
If he’s genuinely remorseful:
Watch consistency, not apologies. True change shows in behavior over weeks or months.
Set clear boundaries. For example: “If we’re serious, commenting flirtatiously on strangers’ posts isn’t acceptable.”
Agree on transparency. This could mean open conversations about social media habits or temporarily being more open with devices — not as control, but as reassurance.
If he minimizes your feelings or repeats the behavior, that’s a sign he isn’t ready for a trustworthy relationship.
Step 4: Protect Your Emotional Wellbeing
Right now, the obsessional worry (“Is he texting them?”) shows how much this has affected your peace of mind. Consider:
Taking space (even a few weeks) to see how you feel without his presence dominating your thoughts.
Individual counseling if the anxiety feels overwhelming — it helps rebuild your inner stability whether or not the relationship continues.
Self-worth rituals: spend time doing things that remind you of your value outside the relationship.
Step 5: Will It Ever Be the Same?
The truth is — it may not return to the exact state it was in before. But it can become stronger if both partners are willing to face the issue honestly, take accountability, and rebuild respect through time and action.
If that effort is one-sided, it’s better to acknowledge that the relationship may have run its course than to stay stuck in mistrust.