Good morning, ma.
I kindly request that you share my story so that your followers may provide me with advice. I am a single mother of two children. The father sent me and the children away four weeks after the birth of our second child following an argument regarding his smoking in the house, which is detrimental to the children’s health. He asserted that I could not control him in his own home and subsequently expelled us.
It has been ten months since then, and he has not inquired about the children. Recently, he sent a message expressing his desire to take the children, but from my experience living with him, I know he is not fit to care for them. He is involved in fraudulent activities, and I am unwilling to jeopardize the lives and futures of my children. I am determined to protect them at all costs. Currently, he is threatening to kill me and to forcibly take the children. continue reading below...
Is there any legal recourse available to me to obtain full custody of the children? The marriage was arranged, and I was unaware of his smoking habits and gang affiliations until we began living together. Please advise me on how to proceed. I do not have much financial means and am struggling to support the children, but I believe that things will improve over time. Therefore, I am seeking affordable options that can ensure my safety and that of my children. Thank you.
My Take on this matter..
This is a very serious situation, and your safety — and your children’s safety — must come first.
Here’s what you can do immediately and affordably:
🛑 1. Protect Yourself and the Children Right Now
If he has made death threats, go straight to the police and make an official report.
Ask for an Emergency Protection Order (EPO) or Restraining Order depending on your country’s law (e.g., Domestic Violence Act, Family Law Act, etc.).
This will legally stop him from contacting, approaching, or harassing you.
Keep all evidence — messages, voice notes, threats, call logs, witnesses — these will help the court believe your case.
⚖️ 2. File for Full Custody (Legal Custody & Physical Custody)
Even without much money, you can:
Go to the nearest family court or magistrate’s court and explain that:
You are the children’s primary caregiver.
The father has abandoned the children for ten months.
He is threatening violence.
He is involved in illegal activities (fraud, gangs, etc.).
Ask to file for full custody and a protection order together.
Many courts have pro bono (free) or legal aid lawyers for women and children.
The judge will usually favor the parent who has been caring for the children and can provide a stable environment — especially if the other parent is violent or dangerous.
🧾 3. Gather Supporting Evidence
Prepare these before going to court:
Birth certificates of your children
Police reports (if any)
Threat messages or call recordings
Proof you’ve been caring for them (school, hospital, rent, food receipts, witness statements)
If possible, get a character witness (neighbor, pastor, family friend) who can confirm you are the primary carer and that he has been absent or violent.
💰 4. Access Free or Low-Cost Legal Help
If you’re in Nigeria, for example, you can contact:
Federation of Women Lawyers (FIDA) – They offer free legal aid to women and children.
Legal Aid Council of Nigeria (LACON) – Free family and domestic violence legal representation.
Women at Risk International Foundation (WARIF) or Mirabel Centre – They help with domestic abuse and can connect you with legal and shelter support.
If you’re in another country, I can list free family-law or domestic-violence resources near you — just tell me your country or city.
🏠 5. Secure Your Living Situation
Avoid living where he can easily find you.
If he continues to threaten you, consider staying temporarily in a women’s shelter, church safe house, or with trusted relatives.
Do not meet him alone or without a police escort.
❤️ 6. Emotional & Practical Support
You are doing the right thing protecting your children. Reach out to:
A domestic violence helpline in your country.
A church, NGO, or welfare office that assists single mothers.
Close friends or family who can accompany you to the police or court.