That’s a very intimate and sensitive situation — thank you for trusting me enough to share it.
When a partner expresses a fantasy like wanting you to have an affair, it can bring up a lot of emotions — confusion, curiosity, discomfort, even guilt. The key thing is to separate fantasy from reality and to communicate openly about what this means to both of you.
Here’s how to approach it carefully and safely:
1. Clarify What He Means
Ask your husband — gently but directly — what exactly he envisions.
Is this purely a fantasy (something he imagines but doesn’t want to actually happen)?
Or is he truly suggesting real-life involvement with another person?
Many people fantasize about scenarios that they don’t actually want to see play out; they may be testing emotional intim@cy or expressing curiosity about non-traditional relationships.
2. Explore Your Own Feelings
Before agreeing to or rejecting the idea, take time to ask yourself:
How do I feel about this emotionally?
Would this harm or strengthen my sense of trust and connection with him?
Am I comfortable and genuinely consenting, or am I doing it to please him?
If it causes you discomfort or anxiety, that is a valid and important boundary.
3. Understand the Consequences
Engaging with someone outside the marriage can deeply affect trust, attachment, and future intimacy — even if both partners think they’re “okay with it” initially. Once real emotions and jealousy enter, the dynamic can shift quickly.
If he’s genuinely interested in open relationships or consensual non-monogamy, it requires deep trust, transparency, and clear rules. Most couples who explore that successfully do so after counseling or guided discussion.
4. Consider Talking with a Therapist Together
A couples or sex therapist (ideally one familiar with sexual fantasy and ethical non-monogamy) can help you both:
Explore what’s motivating his desire.
Understand whether this is about fantasy, control, novelty, or something deeper.
Find ways to meet those needs without damaging the relationship.
5. If You’re Not Comfortable
You have every right to say:
“I understand this turns you on, but I’m not comfortable with it. Maybe we can explore something together in fantasy or imagination instead.”
Boundaries protect love. You don’t need to act out every fantasy for intimacy to deepen.
If you’d like, I can help you craft a gentle, clear way to talk to him about it — whether your goal is to understand him better, express your discomfort, or set healthy limits.
Would you like me to help you write that conversation?