Individuals exhibiting inadequate speech etiquette frequently employ these seven passive-aggressive expressions, according to a public speaking expert.
When individuals perceive that they are encountering something emotionally charged yet lack clarity on its meaning, they often find themselves at a loss for how to react. Are they being insulted? Have they committed an error? Such ambiguity can be perceived as disrespectful, damaging, and detrimental to interpersonal relationships.
To maintain exemplary speech etiquette, it is advisable to refrain from using the following phrases:
1. 'No offense, but...'
The key to fostering likability, trust, and ease of collaboration lies predominantly in one's manner of communication.
Vague, meandering, and overly verbose speech patterns compel others to exert additional effort to comprehend your message. However, the most detrimental habit exhibited by individuals with inadequate speech etiquette is the use of passive-aggressive language, which involves expressing one sentiment while implying another.
This phrase and its variations (such as "I hate to say this, but...") are typically succeeded by a remark that is offensive, indicating that the speaker did not truly dislike the statement enough to refrain from making it. The outcome is often insincere and perplexing.
Alternative expressions to consider include:
"I need to share something that may not be well-received."
"I have a point I would like to discuss, if this is an appropriate moment."
2. 'Whatever you think is best.'
If used as a snide kiss-off, this conversation-ender conveys disagreement or dissatisfaction with an outcome or decision without directly addressing it, much less trying to be constructive.
What to say instead:
"I'm not sure I agree. Something feels off about this."
"Let me think about it. I'll come back if I have anything smart to offer."
3. 'Must be nice.'
This one stinks to high heaven for sneaking anger, self-pity, and jealousy under the guise of being a pseudo-compliment. It can also convey that the speaker doesn't deserve whatever nice thing it is they have.
Why not be generous and congratulate the speaker? Or at least be dignified and shut up? The odds are huge that you're going to win your share of life's small prizes. But sometimes, you're not. Don't begrudge others their micro-moments of glory.
What to say instead:
"That's great!"
"I'm happy for you." (Yep — just say it.)
4. 'I'm fine.'
If you're really fine, ok, you're fine. If you're not, this glib, verbal equivalent of an eye-roll represents a classic refusal to communicate feelings honestly. Kissing cousins: "It's fine." "No big deal."
If you hear or feel resentment in your tone — or in your gut — as you say this, be honest: Are you hiding some petty pique?
What to say instead:
"I don't know. I don't love the situation, but let me think about it."
(Say nothing at all.)
5. 'Wow, I could never do that.'
It's likely these words mean what they say at least sometimes. But most people hearing them understandably hear you saying, "Wow, I would never do that." Behind the feigned admiration lurks a depth charge of judgement or criticism.
What to say instead:
"Wow, what made you do that?"
"How did it work out?"
6. 'I didn't mean it that way.'
Often blurted out after a clearly intentional insult or hurtful remark, this faux-backtracker is the fraternal twin to "no offense, but..." and "I hate to say this, but...". It's the fake apology proffered after saying something you really know you shouldn't have said.
What to say instead:
"I'm sorry."
"That was thoughtless of me."
7. 'Do whatever you want.'
This is the gold star of silent crybabies, heaped high with silent scorn, disapproval and frustration, all at once. There's almost no imaginable usage of this phrase that isn't passive aggressive. If you think you can say these words and not inform your listeners that you're bitter, wake up.
What to say instead:
"I disagree, but we're all adults here."
"Ok."
We understand: Life is complicated and it all moves by so fast. It's hard to say the right thing every time. But do yourself a favor and think more, observe more, talk less — or at least, more slowly. Every time you use words, you've got a chance to help or harm. Avoid the latter.