Most individuals carefully consider their decision before getting married.
1. Assumption: It Won't Last
I got married and we went on our honeymoon to China. At that time, we were both working on our PhDs. I came from a working-class background, while her family was middle class.
Her father generously gave us $8000 for our honeymoon.
We went to China to celebrate, but she also wanted to collect some initial data for her dissertation during our one (or maybe two) month trip. I was fine with it. However, things took a turn for the worse. I found myself stuck in small hostels all by myself, while she was engrossed in her research.
My knowledge of Mandarin was very limited, and as a broke grad student, I was not prepared to find my way back home or afford a plane ticket. Moreover, I had no family to rely on back home, even if I somehow managed to leave China.
I felt cornered.
I discussed this with her, about how our journey seemed more like a field trip than a loving honeymoon, how I felt abandoned and lonesome most of the time.
We had a single laptop that we were sharing throughout the journey (I was too strapped for cash to own one, despite being in grad school).
One morning, as I flipped open the laptop before she moved out to explore a research site, I found her email account open. An unfinished email was right there on the screen, and its content ripped my heart apart. It was addressed to her dad, revealing her wish that I wasn't accompanying her on our honeymoon.
I had been promised a honeymoon which was supposed to have a minor research sideline. But what I was living seemed more like a research expedition where I felt like a dead weight. She did apologize.
We managed to stick together for a few more years when she fell sick and I assumed the role of her caregiver.
Looking back, I wish I had packed my bags and left China the day I read that email.
2. I Scream For Ice Cream
At the marriage celebration, she blew a ton of cash on things we didn't need, and I was aware it was me who'd ultimately foot the bill because of the credit card debt she racked up. So, I put my foot down.
She insisted on getting an ice cream supplier (we already had two dessert stations), but I was firm that it was excessive.
Despite our argument, she eventually saw my point of view. Yet, as the wedding day rolled around, I found myself standing with my groomsmen, and suddenly, to my dismay, an ice cream van rolled up. I realized instantly, regretfully.White and blue ice cream van parked on the street.
3. Get Over It
A lady I once dated revealed that she ended her marriage because her husband was battling with depression after his dad passed away in his arms. She couldn't handle being around someone so sad.
Just think about it—losing your dad and then, merely a few months later, you lose your wife too simply because you're still mourning.
4. Life’s Not A Beach
Almost as soon as we tied the knot, our bond started to come apart at the seams. We began to drift apart right after we started living together, but the situation sadly escalated during our honeymoon in Greece. He threw an epic tantrum at me in public.
I had expressed my desire to visit a reputedly beautiful beach on the island, so we attempted to catch a bus. But when the bus didn't show up, he let loose at me, blaming me for ruining his holiday and expressing his disdain for traveling with me.
Following the bus incident, we strolled down to a nearby beach where he went swimming with a couple of friends he'd insisted on bringing along. I was left shell-shocked and dejected on a beach chair, reduced to tears.
Couple are arguing in the beach.
5. Run Away From This One
She brought me into a serious conversation one day, and, without any hint of a joke, she told me, “I’ve really mulled it over, and you need to stop working out”.
At that time, I was running several miles daily, often taking our kids along in their jogging stroller.
Her reasoning was, “You're a dad now and it's eating too much of your time”. That's the moment I realized I've messed up. Discovering her with another man in my car on top of that didn't exactly bolster the argument to keep our marriage intact.
6. Dishing It Out
We were almost hitched but hadn't quite tied the knot. I'd been ordered to stay in bed to rest and take care of our baby boy, following an urgent operation to stop severe bleeding due to a miscarriage.
One day, my then-fiance came back from his job, stared at me and questioned, "Why aren't the dishes done?"
The following morning, I rang my mom and informed her that I was going to make an exit. Two weeks later, I packed my bags and booked it out of there.
7. Mommie Dearest
The saying "death by a thousand cuts" perfectly encapsulates my situation. A standout instance was when I realized after a decade together that she had no trust in me. It came to me like a flash of lightning, and I asked her point-blank, "
You don't trust me, do you?"
Before she could pipe up, I continued, "I bet you don't trust anyone". She didn't deny it. It was common for her to abruptly send the kids, devoid of even a towel, out of the bathroom all because they had splashed her during bath time.
But it didn't end there, she would vociferously admonish them, berating them for their behavior. They were just toddlers aged between 2-4 then. It was unreasonable to rebuke a toddler for splashing water during a bath.
In another instance, the reason for which escapes my memory, I stepped in trying to mediate the situation.
I told our daughter, who'd evidently done something 'wrong', to apologize to her mom. So she did. But when it was time for mom to reciprocate, she flatly refused to apologize. This left me staggered.
This woman who stars in my life and is a mother, adamantly saying no to an apology, it struck deep.
To date, after more than two decades of knowing her, I have yet to hear her apologize. An ordeal that truly put me over the edge occurred when one of our kids simply wanted a goodnight hug before sleep.
Instead of welcoming the sentiment, she chose to lock herself in our bedroom, refusing to return the hug on the pretext that she had hugged them earlier that day.
Our kids, unable to comprehend, were left in tears. I was shattered witnessing this heartbreak. Their innocent question of why mom refused a hug was devastating.
I try hard not to let it affect me, especially now when we share custody and their interplay with their mother is under my constant watch. It’s a struggle.
The only silver lining, however, is that as the kids are growing older, they're gradually starting to piece it all together.
8. For Better Or For Worse
During our wedding day, we tied the knot at her folks' home, a gorgeous venue nestled in a private country club.
Throughout the day, the spotlight shone on her, with her spending more time frolicking with her friend and sipping cocktails than being by my side.
My day was spent delighting our guests with chitchat. When the last guest had bid farewell and it was just her parents and I, I made a chilling discovery—she was unconscious in a room upstairs. Gathering her in my arms, I carried her to our car to go home.
It goes without saying, our wedding night was marked by her sleeping off the inebriation. Fast forward to five years later, she admitted herself into a residential rehab program.
On her recovery and subsequent release, she came clean about not having feelings for me anymore and expressed her desire for a divorce.
9. See You Later
There was a terrible time when I suffered a miscarriage with twins, and he simply drove me to the hospital for the required surgery. I was still bleeding as he left me there to attend a social gathering with his buddies.
But that's all in the past now, I've walked away from that man long ago. These days, I'm in a much better place.
10. A Pregnant Pause
My brother recently experienced a divorce, and curiosity led me to ask him about his "turning point". He chuckled at first, but his next words took me by surprise.
He said, "It was when she announced she was expecting and just a week afterwards, the doctors informed me that I'm actually infertile and unable to father children." That was a tough pill to swallow.
11. Good News Is Bad News
I came to understand that I was shielding positive updates from her, aware that she'd make me feel guilty about them. I held on to the hope that she'd mature and put an end to her self-centered, immature ways. But, she never really did.
12. You’re On Your Own
She was preparing to head out to the bar when I rang her up, telling her that I was stranded about seven miles away because our car broke down. But here's the frustrating part—despite us having a second car, she said she couldn't assist me. Unfortunately, our relationship ended about two months after this incident.